Oct 27 2009
Top Ten Lessons Learned from Elderly Father’s Hospitalization
Sunday, October 18, life threw me a curve. My elderly father fell in his Florida senior living apartment and dislocated his hip. That triggered a series of events – a trip to the ER to have it put back in place, his release that same night to come stay with me, a second hip dislocation followed by a second re-location. Then six nights in the hospital to run tests,etc. He is now back in his Florida continuing care retirement community apartment and gradually re-gaining his strength. So I thought I would share the top ten things I learned in this last week of helping my father recover from this fall:
1 – At any age, life can change in an instant.
2 – Healthcare workers are just like the general population – some are nice, some are not so nice; some are highly skilled, some are mediocre; some genuinely care, some are just doing a job. We shouldn’t make them “God-like,” nor should we start with the mindset they are all incompetent (like my dad is prone to do).
3 – Communication is critical when in the hospital – both from the patient to staff and from the staff to patient. I find nothing puts me, and my father, more at ease then feeling like the medical staff is keeping us up-to-date on his situation; and nothing was more frustrating then having to walk around begging someone to tell us what is going on.
4 – Nothing happens fast in the hospital. Patience is key.
5 – You must be an advocate for yourself, or for your loved one if you are their caregiver. Ask questions, ask for clarification, ask to see test results, ask “What would you do if this was your father?” Don’t be afraid to push a little. I had to call my father’s nurse to say “He would really like to shave, can you help him do that?” and “He has been lying in bed all day, can someone please get him up to walk the halls?” The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
6 – The whole experience of being hospitalized can be confusing and frightening, particularly for the elderly. In my elderly father’s case, anything outside of his normal daily routine causes some confusion. So suddenly being in a hospital, with no familiar faces, a different schedule for meals, none of his personal effects, etc., left him confused and a bit angry. I had to remind myself that his anger was just an expression of his confusion and frustration at the situation and at having to rely on everyone else.
7 – When caring for an elderly family member, remember to care for yourself too. It has taken me a long time to embrace this concept. When my father had a similar fall last year, and was hospitalized for a couple of weeks, I was constantly wracked with guilt if I was not by his bedside 24/7. I have finally learned that is not necessary for him , and not healthy for me. And actually I have found that by taking breaks, I have helped him re-gain confidence that he can do things for himself.
8 – Health insurance & Medicare rules are confusing and can sometimes be an overriding factor in determining care.
9 – When dealing with a variety of care providers (physical therapists, home health, rehab facilities, etc), don’t lose sight of the fact that they are all in business and that factors in to their recommendations.
10 – Getting old is not for sissies (credit goes to my husband for that one).