Despite our best efforts to make the holidays a time of pure joy and thankfulness, the fact is for most people I know there is also a fair amount of stress. I can only imagine how that is exacerbated when there is a family member with Alzheimer’s.

The Alzheimer’s Association – Florida Gulf Coast Chapter- has developed 10 Holiday Survival Tips that will help make family gatherings a happy, memorable occasion for all.
 
Tip 1 -  Planning can avoid holiday stress. Individuals who experience the most difficulty with the holiday season are those who have given little thought to the challenges they will encounter. Consider ahead of time what may be expected of you, both socially and emotionally.

• Discuss holiday celebrations with relatives and close friends in advance. 
• Plan to maintain a regular routine while trying to provide a pleasant, meaningful and calm holiday event.
• Celebrate early in the day or have a noon meal rather than a late dinner.

Tip 2 – Take care of yourself (caregiver) Remember, the holidays are opportunities to share time with people you love. Try to make these celebrations easy on yourself and with the person with Alzheimer’s disease so that you may concentrate on enjoying your time together.

• Set limits by telling family and friends that you intend to control stress this holiday season.
• Maintain a positive mental attitude.
• Ask for assistance for you and your loved one.
• Attend an Alzheimer’s Association support group that will allow you discuss ways to overcome holiday stress.
  Prepare to deal with post-holiday letdown. Arrange for in-home care (respite care) so you can enjoy a movie or lunch with a friend and reduce post-holiday stress.

Tip 3 – Prepare the person with Alzheimer’s for the family gathering. Preparing your loved one for the upcoming holiday events can allow both of you to enjoy the warmth of the season.

• Talk about and show photos of family members and friends who will be visiting.
• Have a “quiet” room in case things get too hectic.
• Play familiar music and serve favorite traditional holiday foods.
• Schedule naps, especially if the person usually takes naps.

Tip 4 – Prepare family members and friends. Preparing families and friends with an honest appraisal of the person’s condition can help avoid uncomfortable or harmful situations.

• Familiarize family members and friends with behaviors and condition changes.
• Recommend practical and useful gifts. (See Tip 7)
• Remind family and friends the best way to communicate with a person with dementia. (See Tip 6)

Tip 5 – Involve everyone when selecting activities. Involve everyone in holiday activities including the person with dementia.

• Consider taking walks, icing cookies, telling stories, doing chores, making a memory book or family tree, or keeping a journal.
• To encourage conversation, place magazines, scrapbooks, or photo albums in reach; play music to prompt dancing or other kinds of exercise. 
• Encourage young family members to participate in simple and familiar activities with the person.

Tip 6 – Communicate with success. Alzheimer’s can diminish a person’s ability to communicate. These tips may help you understand each other.

• Be calm and supportive if the person has trouble communicating.
• Speak slowly with a relaxed tone.
• Avoid criticism. For example, when someone forgets a recent conversation, avoid saying, “Don’t you remember?”
• Address the person by name.
• Be patient, flexible, and do not argue with the person with Alzheimer’s

Tip 7 — Smart gift giving.

• Encourage family and friends to give useful, practical gifts for the person such as identification bracelet (available through Medic Alert® + Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return®). Other gifts may include comfortable easy-to-remove clothing, audiotapes of favorite music, videos, and photo albums.
• Advise others not to give gifts such as dangerous tools or instruments, utensils, challenging board games, complicated electronic equipment, or pets.
• If possible, involve the person in giving gifts. For example, someone who once enjoyed cooking may enjoy baking cookies, or buy the gift and allow the person to wrap it.

Tip 8 – Safe environment in the home. Persons with dementia may experience changes in judgment. This behavior may lead to confusion, frustration, or wandering. Consider these tips to reduce the risk of injury and situations that could be confusing to someone with dementia.

• Assign a “buddy” to watch out for the person to ensure their comfort.
• Arrange ample space for walking side-by-side, for wheelchairs, and walkers. Keep walking areas clear.
• Consider seating options so the person with Alzheimer’s can best focus on conversation and be least distracted.
• Don’t serve alcohol, which may lead to inappropriate behavior or interactions with medications.
• Accommodate changes in vision. Place contrasting-color rugs in front of doors or steps.  Avoid dark-colored rugs that may appear to be “holes.”
• Limit access to places where injuries occur, such as a kitchen or stairwell. Check temperature of water and food.  Prevent falls by installing metal grab bars; and secure textured stickers to slippery surfaces.
• Create even level of lighting; avoid blinking lights.
• Keep decorations simple; avoid using candies, artificial fruits/vegetables, or other edibles as decorations.
• Supervise in taking medicine.
• Keep emergency phone numbers and a list of medications handy.

Tip 9 — Travel wisely. The following suggestions may ensure a positive traveling experience:

• Never leave the person alone.
• Use familiar modes of transportation and avoid peak travel times.
• Keep plans simple and maintain daily routines as much as possible.
• Allow extra time to avoid the stress of rushing.
• Advise service and hospitality staff that you are traveling with someone with dementia and about the person’s behaviors and special needs.
• Arrange for services, such as wheelchairs, ahead of time.
• Provide identification items such as a Medic Alert® + Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return®) bracelet and clothing labels.

Tip 10 – Reliable sources of support
Families can call the Alzheimer’s Association (Gulf Coast Chapter) at 727-578-2558 or the 24-hour Helpline at  1-800-772-8672 to answer questions about warning signs and to assist persons with dementia  and caregivers.  The national Helpline is 1-800-272-3900. The Helpline will be open all Christmas day and New Year’s Day, as well as year round.

Thanks to Linda Dunkelberger for submitting this guest blog post to Florida Senior Living Advisor. She provided this post on behalf of Visiting Angels, a nationwide network of  senior home care providers that help seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, just to name a few services.  I think these tips are especially important to keep in mind during the holidays, when we are all busy with jam-packed “to-do lists,” in addition to whatever care we must provide to elderly family members.

Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions.  No matter how much love in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially.  Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be able to be an effective caregiver.

Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge.  Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations.  The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life. 

How to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:

• Senior home care requires organization – Organize your time and your schedule.  Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.
• Start a personal journal- Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care (either in hard copy or an online blog).  Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions. 
• Prioritize your health and well-being.   Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.  Healthy ways to relax and recharge:   
   *Go for a walk 
   *Call a good friend 
   *Sweat out the tension with a good workout 
   *Write in your journal 
   *Curl up with a good book 
   *Take a long bath 
   *Eat healthy and exercise regularly 
   *Play with your pet
   *Work in your garden 
   *Listen to music 
   *Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea
• Give yourself a break – Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. Senior home care providers such as Visiting Angels can provide daily or weekly help with everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs, just to name a few.  Senior home care providers can also provide a respite to you with as little as 15 minute notice to avoid unnecessary stress if your schedule needs help.

Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones.  Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.  Take advantage of these tips.  Organize yourself, express yourself, nurture yourself and help yourself by arranging for assistance with a senior home care provider.

We celebrated my father’s 85th birthday yesterday.

As I sat there watching him enjoy his dinner and laughing at the antics of his grandchildren, I couldn’t help but smile at how much he has mellowed with age. When I was younger, he was tough. Really tough. Opinionated. Obstinate. Prone to cynicism. As a teenager,  when I would ask for permission to go out with my friends, he would randomly say no. When I would ask why, his response would be, “Because I said so.” End of discussion.  Now I see a softer side to him; he laughs more, even cries occasionally (particularly when my daughters play the violin for him). And he’s definitely much easier on waitresses and other service personnel than he used to be.

So I had to wonder, is there any scientific proof to what I have experienced with him – that personalities can mellow with age. I came across this report from a few years ago from the Journal of Neuroscience. The study suggests that elderly people may be better at perceiving happiness and worse at perceiving fear, which researchers say supports the idea that people do mellow with age.
 
In the study, volunteers were asked to pick out the pictures showing fear and happiness from others showing anger, disgust and sadness. As they viewed these images their brain activity was monitored using functional magnetic  resonance imaging (fMRI). Results indicated that older people more accurately spot happy expressions while teenagers are better at identifying fearful expressions.

An anthropologist from Rutgers University explains that there may be an evolutionary advantage to mellowing with age. Helen Fisher says, “I don’t think it’s just about going to your grave feeling happier about life.” She says our hunter-gatherer ancestors may have benefited from the presence of happier elders with a calm approach to settling disputes within groups. “There would have been a tremendous advantage to have older people in the group with an optimistic view,” she adds.

All I know is that it makes my time with dear old Dad much more enjoyable. Happy Birthday Dad.